Fresh air

Waking up to the cool Sunday morning breeze as I type this :)

It’s been ages since I last posted! The past months have been a mixed of stress and overwhelm and also rest, renewal, letting go. It almost feels like i’m shedding my old skin, and becoming anew. In the way i view myself and my relationships.

I’m learning to listen to my body. And hold space for the paradoxes in this world.

There is a renewed consciousness and intentionality that is arising in me. It tells me that I’m on the right track. But this journey won’t be an easy one.

We shall see. Life is a journey afterall.

In other news, I’ve recently started my new job in Leadership and Organisation Development work. It’s a vision I had for myself about 2 years ago, and I didn’t expect myself to realise this! With the help and support of many friends and unexpected blessings. Am excited to be part of this work.

I’ve had more time by myself (thanks to covid) - slowing down and doing less had been uncomfortable. I liked to be busy. I liked to be excited by ideas, and try them out. It’s just like, never try never know right? I felt so much freedom when I graduated from the school system to explore. I’ve tried working in startups, starting a ground up, facilitating workshops…doing what energises me. At that point of my life, it felt like this was what was needed - freedom, autonomy, trying new things, connecting with others - which I got alot of energy from.

So when covid struck, I hated it at the start. I was fidgety, I felt restricted, and disconnected. There was alot of resistance within, I felt trapped. And I had to face these. The current me realises that immersing myself into work and friendships, though i did learn alot, could be a form of distraction to what really matters to me too. Covid shine light to many cracks in our system, it’s inequalities, and also cracks on our families, and ourselves. It’s a pandemic, yet it could be a blessing as there is a spike in awareness of problems and disconnectedness in our society.

That’s extremely powerful if we harness this awareness we have now and make intentional choices. 3 years ago when OpenJio started, there wasn’t as much conversations about social issues and marginalised members of our society. The landscape felt vastly different compared to now, where youths are increasingly vocal, and citizens come together to help one another. The crisis is also an opportunity for us to give.

For me, i’ve realised the important of quiet time and rest (or what Loehr may call, strategic disengagement. We need to fully disengage to fully engage. We are either fully engaged, or disengaged.) If I were honest, sometimes volunteering for external causes helps to distract me from tensions at home. But i’ve slowly learned how to enjoy it, and I do see some silver linings like having more conversations with my dad who cooks everyday for us.

Yesterday, I spent about an hour looking out of my window. There is a meditation practice I have learnt - when we are quiet, our thoughts are loud. Being quiet allows me to watch me thoughts, so that I can be more aware of my internal dialogue. It’s internal listening (this is one level of listening in coaching, listening to your own thoughts and the other person’s words and body). Try it, you might be surprised how loud your thoughts are, and how they never stop!

I never really sat down like this in the past years, only till recently. It helps me to connect to what really matters to me, it could be people, principles or just feeling my presence in this world. With a renewed pair of eyes, things can become a wonder. Instead of looking to projects or people which could energise me, it’s a deeper sense of knowing, confidence that I have this within.

I’m still on this journey of belonging, becoming myself, like a vessel which serves our earth’s purpose. Some of my friends whom are christians share that it’s a blessing for “god to work through them” and I think it feels like that too. With a heart to love and serve, our spiritual energy is renewed.

It is beautiful and nice way to think, isn’t it. The act of surrendering. To let go, do less, have less - and less is more. (how else can we make space?) Do less, is about the small actions that matter.

thanks for reading!