What is the hardest thing about finding your purpose?

How to live a meaningful life? How can I experience greater fulfilment in my life? What can I do to thrive, more so than just survive? What does living a life of purpose look like? Note: This article is written by a millennial in Singapore, who is learning how to dance in the rain and find joy in the storms. I am not attempting to answer these big questions, but to offer a perspective in contribution, as I think I am not the only person who struggles with such questions.

There are moments in life where we experience an existential crisis. Here’s mine and my attempt to make sense of it, despite feeling uncomfortable. Somehow there is comfort in writing it down and sharing it with others.

In a cosy and somewhat intellectual discussion of ‘purpose’ with my friends, we all seem to be searching and seeking a more purposeful life. A friend asked, “from a scale of 1 to 10, where would you rate where you are right now, 0 being off track; and 10 being where you want to be in striving to live our your purpose.”

In our group of 7, many rated themselves between 3 to 6. Somehow this discussion about purpose triggered something in me to look deeper.

Uncovering hidden expectations of ‘purpose’

In my post-reflections, I think the question held an implicit assumption that 10/10 is the ideal state we should be striving for. I used to think that a 10/10 would look like waking up energised, excited, feeling in flow most of the time, doing things that bring you the most enjoyment.

We talk about pursuing passion, and the root word of passion is suffering, which begets the question - what are you willing to suffer for?

If 10/10 fulfillment is what you may feel when things go your way, when your plans go smoothly - what about my way? All things are interconnected, where we push for our individual agendas, there are inevitable clashes. Hence if 10/10 looks like that, it is likely one will stay perennially unhappy.

The costs of ‘getting it right’

I realised i was focused in such a narrow way of thinking about what purpose was, trying to fit it into a box, or perhaps checkboxes, and trying to get it ‘right’. And I notice myself feeling more perplexed and unhappy.

A perspective on existential crises by Khuyen:

First, you must recognize that existential crises are "features, not bugs" of living, self-conscious creatures who are yet to be finished.

Crisis is opportunity to redefine self-continuity. (said the entrepreneurs who like to quote that the Chinese character for crisis, "weiji", has two parts that mean “danger” and “opportunity)

The trick is to recognize that your life narrative shouldn't make sense 100% of the time. Heck, even 90%.

If you know exactly what you are doing 90% of the time, you are bound to hit crises sooner or later.

In fact, a trait of a healthy person is to acknowledge that nobody has ever completely figured out anything.

Even the phrase "figuring things out" implies there is an answer. There is none, or there are too many.

It’s then I realised…trying to ‘get it right’ isn’t nearly as important as being happy! You don’t have to have it all figured out. Where’s the fun if we already knew?

The purpose of life, is to live.

Alan Watts explains it more eloquently here on why life is not a journey - using the analogy that the whole point of the dancing is the dance. The purpose of our lives, is to live. To live fully, and be present. There is nothing more joyful than being in the full presence of another, and being fully present for another.

“The existence, the physical universe is basically playful.

There is no necessity for it whatsoever. It isn’t going anywhere. That is to say, it doesn’t have some destination that it ought to arrive at.

But that it is best understood by the analogy with music. Because music, as an art form is essentially playful. We say, “You play the piano” You don’t “work the piano”.

Why? Music differs from say, travel. When you travel you are trying to get somewhere. In music, though, one doesn’t make the end of a composition.

The point of the composition. If that were so, the best conductors would be those who played fastest. And there would be composers who only wrote finales. People would go to a concert just to hear one crackling chord… Because that’s the end!

Same way with dancing. You don’t aim at a particular spot in the room because that’s where you will arrive. The whole point of the dancing is the dance.

- Alan Watts

Here is another perspective on purpose by Sadhguru, and i think they both share a similar perspective. But worth reading again.

This is the greatest aspect of life - that it has no meaning to it and there is no need for it to have a meaning.

The purpose of life is to live and to live totally. To live totally means - before you fall dead, every aspect of life has been explored, nothing has been left unexplored.

Purpose as a way of being and doing

Many youths want to find a job with purpose and meaning. This meaning is so personal, we aren’t really taught how to embark on this journey each within ourselves. I am on my own journey as well.

Read: https://www.mindful.org/difference-between-being-and-doing/

Sometimes it is difficult. Purpose as personified by Alan Watts and Sadhguru may seem a little philosophical, related to the way of being - to live, it also means to be present. To be present through our senses, what we notice and say to others and to ourselves, and what emotions we feel. Owning our experience.

As to what is the hardest thing about ‘doing’ your purpose - here are are some challenges my friends and I encounter. Yet, perhaps the harder thing would be learning to love what you do, for we won’t always get to do what we love. Approaching things with the intention of openness and love is an ongoing practice that I try to do...and this does not involve the absence of pain.

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love. (Mother Teresa)

What we pay attention to, amplifies.

The power lies in what we choose to focus on, and how we choose to respond.

Thought this question posit by a friend will be apt to end this post: Is what I am paying attention to today energizing, liberating, fulfilling?

Acceptance

I choose for this blog space to be one of acceptance. So that I can hold this space for myself, and do it for the same for others.

In brokenness, I am whole. I am whole because these cracks allow the light to flow through. What do these cracks symbolise? It meant that it’s perfectly human to make mistakes. It’s okay to not be okay. There are days where I catch myself with spiralling thoughts of self-doubt, and they seemed so true, and in fact i had believed those thoughts for a really long time it felt like they were a part of me. Sometimes it felt hard to believe not so, because that’s all I could see, right?

I think it’s wonderful to believe that every person in my life right now is here for a reason. I’d like to think that they are here because they can teach me something – patience, loss, love. Acceptance.

What is life, really? I think life is just what we choose to believe about others, and about ourselves? Because i think that really makes all the difference.

Believing is seeing. Choosing to see. Helping people to see something beautiful within themselves that they don’t see. Sometimes we forget our own beauty within and we just need people to remind us. We need to remind each other the beauties of our existence, for none of these paths are “by chance”.

And sometimes I forget that life is my own journey to take. I get caught up comparing my lives with others, creating this dissatisfaction in myself. Then I judge myself for thinking like that. hahaha. quite funny right? I just realised how much energy is spend on beating myself, again. But that’s okay too.

I can choose to laugh at myself too. I can choose look at these memories fondly. And they are very much so. When I stop trying to “fix” things, everything seems like it’s…working? It doesn’t mean that these issues don’t exist, but it means that I allow them to exist instead of changing them. I really think many things in life are beyond our control. By allowing them to exist, I am allowing them to just be. I am allowing myself for a deeper connection…

And perhaps by truly connecting, that’s how things can truly change?

This is a reminder that i’m my own person. And i’m on my own journey. That I have an awesome, supportive group of friends with me, and I’m not alone. It’s also a reminder for me to that i don’t need permission to be myself. And it’s okay to be rejected, because it does not mean I am rejected. Rejections speak more about the other than myself. Understand where that rejection really comes from. Hurt people, hurt people.

My achievements don’t define me, I define my achievements. Achievements are over-glorified huh. I think times worth celebrating are often things that people don’t see. Moments when one chooses to speak out even though you feel heart-pumping sweaty scared. More often than not, we only see the triumphs, and little attention goes behind the struggles behind the triumph – i think that’s something worth truly celebrating.

So if you’re reading this, remember to celebrate these moments 🙂 These are moments, no matter how tiny, are significant steps of you being you. That’s the most wonderful gift to the world and people around you.

Sometimes I forget. That’s why I need to type this while i remember.