To the students: Finding your ‘why’ and making sense of your education

Last evening, a few friends and I were invited to a career panel to share about our work experiences with our sociology juniors. It triggered some deeper reflections in me so i thought i’d pen it down here to share it with you too!

Thankful for this opportunity to share!

Finding your ‘why’

Finding could suggest a relatively passive way of searching. It assumes your ‘why’ is out there and you just need to find it. You may find it through trying and testing different things, but…

…Sometimes your ‘why’ can’t be found.

Why find when you can create it? This is what i want highlight - your ‘why’ can be created by you.

It’d be amazing if we wake up every single morning excited and energised to go to work, but that’s not the reality. There will be days you sleep and wake up feeling like you’re in a slump. And you will start questioning why you’re doing this, or start doubting yourself, and if what you’re doing is really worth it.

In my most stressful moments, I’ve broken down and ever thought of dropping openjio, my passion project which i’ve been running for 2 years. Fortunately i didn’t. But indeed there were moments where I l felt like I was incapable and not worthy of leading the team - and this thought felt so real and true. There are 3 important learnings which I would like to share.

Firstly, emotions are information. Your thoughts and emotions do not define you. Emotions often influence our decisions and thoughts more often than we think. So it’s worthwhile to sit on these emotions, experience them and ask yourself - What is causing frustration? What is not being addressed? What do I need right now? What do I really want? Emotions are signals, that are sending messages to you about what’s important to you right now. We prioritise ‘head’ intelligence here in our education system - but it’s worthwhile diving into ‘heart’ intelligence too. I recommend ‘Permission to Feel’ by Marc Brackett and ‘The Language of Emotions’ by Karla McLaren if you want to read more about emotions!

Secondly, know that if you’re stressed about something, it is also likely that you deeply care about it, if not it wouldn’t affect you so much. You may feel pressured to do more, or like you are not good enough. But I think it’s important to recognise and acknowledge our care amidst the pain we may be feeling. For what we know, it is where we find the strength that keeps us going.

I am very thankful for the friends that I could lean on during this period, feeling vulnerable and also accepted by them. In times like this, it feels like a stormy ocean where the shores are out of sight. Sometimes it’s about leaning to what you already have, yourself, your friends - and swim through the uncertainty and doubt together.

Thirdly, if you are deeply struggling about finding your why - it is worthwhile examining your own expectations of how that ‘why’ looks like. Sometimes it is about letting go of these expectations and flowing with what you already have. And we do possess much inner intelligence! You know yourself best. In letting go, you may find your ‘why’.

Finding your ‘why’ is a process. It’s not an end goal, it’s a practice. It also means doing and hard work. It’s not a magic pill where you pop in and go whooooyaaa, i got my ‘why’. For me, I like to reflect upon my experiences daily and journal, and that’s how I connect the dots and make meaning for myself too.

Which brings me to my next sharing -

Making sense of your education

In Singapore where we have linear, convergent type of education systems, it can feel stifling where other forms and modalities of learning are not appreciated - such as the arts, or body work and stories from the community and marginalised. You may not be able to study a subject that truly inspires you. Realise that you chose the wrong major too late. Even when you get your degree, you realised it doesn’t guarantee you a job. What’s next?

Here’s how I made sense of my education. I studied Sociology in NUS, and spent a bulk of my time in university doing readings, being involved in various school activities and also went on an exchange. When exams were nearer and things got tough, one of the things that kept me going was that this hard work could eventually pay off if I land in a good job.

When I graduated, there was a creeping anxiety. How was I going to stay relevant when the (education) system that used to support me was gone? I’m out alone in the wilderness. The workplace.

Strangely, I realised that I liked being out in the wilderness. And working. More so than studying.

It felt like I could own this playing field - there were no fixed structures that peg me to criteria that defined me by a number. No fixed classes i had to attend anymore. The world became my classroom.

Strangely, it’s when I felt like I was truly learning. Feeling inspired and connected to the people around me, making new friends with people I met during events. Getting our hands dirty and doing things we have never done before from scratch.

‘Education is something done to you, but learning is something you do for yourself.’

Putting learning over education means building active, connected systems that teach people how to learn, rather than focusing on specific bodies of knowledge.

This made me question the education system we had. Don’t get me wrong - i think my sociology education has equipped me with critical thinking skills as well as soft skills to listen to different perspectives and stories, and there isn’t necessary an objective reality.

But what energised me most were these 2 things: Having a space to apply this knowledge I gained and feeling like ‘hey, I did make a difference.’ Secondly, having a group of people who I could share my deep dark thoughts and emotions, who could hold space and not judge me for it - and eventually helped me to realise that my dark thoughts are not me. It’s about leaning in and learning about the limiting beliefs i held myself with. And choosing to do something differently.

So as I looked for a job, I was also thinking about how can I create such systems for myself, so that I could learn and grow continuously with a group of people. Knowledge is meant to be shared. Ideas are meant to be shared, so things can happen. I can’t be on this journey alone.

This is also one of the initial inspirations which led to OpenJio - it’s not just a telegram channel for social issues. It’s a nurturing space, for people to be themselves and grow their passions; a sandbox for people to test and prototype ideas; it’s a learning community who care about social issues in Singapore. And we don’t stop caring just because it gets hard to care. Most importantly, we have each other!

When we choose to put ourselves out there despite our fears, we grow, learn and challenge ourselves. Courage doesn’t have to look like a lion’s roar - it can look like speaking up for yourself, or saying ‘no’, giving yourself some rest (ironically uncomfortable because we often feel like we need to be doing something).

In short, I feel that our education system is lopsidedly focused on equipping ourselves with the ‘head’ knowledge, where ‘heart’ and ‘gut’ intelligence is deeply lacking. See below on the three intelligence centres with reference to Enneagram. You can read more and also reflect upon what might be your own dominant intelligence centre - that which comes most naturally to you.

Credits to The Thought Collective

Credits to The Thought Collective

Being a ‘gut’ type - i realised i enjoy such as yoga and meditation which helps me to connect with my body. I also go to events such as the embodiment conference to learn how to tune in to the sensations I am feeling within myself. Sensations are early signals the body sends to us.

When we first experience an emotion, we often experience it first as a sensation before our brain registers it and labels it as a certain emotion.

Hence if we can practice to notice and pick up such signals, there’s alot we can learn about ourselves too, in the way we react and show up.

In times like covid - the only way out might be looking in. The answer lies within you, and I hope this article helps to shed some light on possible tools that could help you to look inwards, and start your whole inner learning journey!

Would love to hear your thoughts and how this piece landed for you :) You can reach out to me here!