42 questions for the answer to life, the universe and everything

Reflections
Written By Amelia Lim

Edit: I actually did this on 15 June 2020- and today’s my birthday, i’ve just been reading it and realised that some of what i’ve written have actually manifested in my life. This is one of my most personal blogposts which is why i hesitated to share, but i think it could be a great gift to you who is reading it too :)

“It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” 

– Eugene Ionesco

My friend introduced me to this reflective exercise: https://www.notion.so/42-questions-for-the-answer-to-life-the-universe-and-everything-b9e4216f2a8347e6b4c53e0eb65df80d and I thought it’d be helpful in focusing on what’s most important in this 8-day leave from work.

Here I go! (cue mandopop on my spotify playlist)

PS. This will probably be my longest blogpost yet, i think i spent close to 10 hours on this.

Quick Pulse Check

1. What areas in your life are currently working well for you — what do you find fulfilling, meaningful, enjoyable, and valuable?

  • OpenJio is the first thing that comes to mind. A simple idea of a telegram channel for events related to different social causes has blossomed into a wonderful community of loving people, which really warms my heart!

  • Starting this blog is another - it’s a space for me to hear my own voice, for I know I kind of soft on ears. (I think I’m an enneagram type 9, haha)

  • Having friends who regular check in on me, and knowing that I can be candidly honest and myself with you guys :)

2. What current areas in your life aren’t working out too well for you — what stresses you out, makes you anxious or drains your energy?

I have answered this in my blogpost previously. You can read more here.

Family - I get triggered quite easily here. Am also wanting to support my sister in her journey of recovery, but it’s really draining on me sometimes.

Work - I am still trying to align my interests, strengths and values in this area where I can bring the most value. To play the cards i’m dealt with to the best I can.

I notice certain struggles surface perhaps due to the conflict in my identity as a community builder and an administrator. Two very different models…you can say one is anti-institution (communities often have decentralised sources of power) and the other supports institutions (where there is often a central authority). With different power bases comes different ways of working.

3. After you die, how would you like to be remembered by others?

Amelia is a giving, joyful, kind and strong woman.

4. If you were to die today, would other people remember you in the way you want to be remembered?

No... perhaps giving/kind, yes?

I interpret strong as being “strong-willed, persevering, resilient and true to self.” These are all very active terms, and I find myself often struggling to be true to myself, and other people’s needs and wishes.

5. What skills, talents or abilities do you have that you are naturally good at, and are passionate about using?

I think I am good at connecting with people and connecting people. You know how magic sparks when you connect (with) likeminded people? Never know what amazing things they can create for this world.

I usually listen the perspectives of the team before making a decision, and strive to co-create solutions. I thrive in an environment where I can get to meet new people and have meaningful conversations with them, to develop them to reach a higher potential.

I think I’m also good at bringing people together, and starting new projects together with people, related to personal growth and having purposeful conversations.

6. What skills, talents or abilities do you have that you are NOT excited about using? You can be good at something you absolutely hate.

I’m really good at taking meeting minutes. But i don’t quite enjoy it if I had to do it consistently.

Same with design. I think I am pretty decent haha, but I don’t like to do designing all the time.

7. What good causes, subjects, projects or charities do you firmly believe in (or connect with)?

8. What tasks, jobs or specific activities have you done in the past that you dislike and never want to do again?

  • Usually the most horrible experience was not about the task, but the feeling of loneliness when working on tasks alone; or feeling of meaninglessness of the task itself

  • One of my toughest projects was to rebuild a wordpress site with Elementor (largely alone) a few years back. I was new and clueless, and it didn’t help when the organisation direction wasn’t clear…it did made me learn how to reach out to ask for help, where I got to meet a few people in web development. But i didn’t finish the project, priorities shifted haha.

9. In an average week, how many hours do you spend doing tasks, jobs or activities that you dislike, or that waste your time? A personal metric: how much of the day is spent doing things out of obligation rather than out of interest?

Activities that waste my time: sleeping late because i am mindlessly scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, not saying ‘no’ to certain requests

Activities I dislike: taking minutes, keeping track of progress over a long term… but it’s part of my work and i am accepting it. (Edit: I’ve slowly learnt the importance of celebrating progress! It is crucial to keep things going, to support commitment. We can’t play the long game if we’re all burnt out in the process.)

10. How does living a less-than-passionate life affect you mentally, emotionally & relationally? The people who succeed are irrationally passionate about something.

It would be mentally dull, boring, emotionally draining, and relationally disconnecting.

Which is why I am so thankful for my friends and OpenJio where we have full autonomy over the direction and execution of our projects! And how we embrace each other’s ideas, support, share resources and challenge one another so we all grow and thrive together.

Values

11. What are your most important values? What values give your life the greatest meaning? E.g. honesty, progress, faith, generosity, authenticity, connection, peace, security, friendship, peace of mind, servitude, personal growth, dedication to a social cause.

Learning about myself and the world is important for me to feel connected to a cause bigger than myself. I do this through building or joining communities who support me, and who I can support me in my growth journey. For communities to thrive, operating from abundance is key. What’s life without fun and new experiences that broaden our horizons?

12. How does the way you live your life reflect your most important values? How do you reflect these values throughout your work life, career, educational pursuits and personal life?

Learning is especially important to me - I chose to do an internship in a social startup after graduation because that’s where I can get my hands dirty and meet many passionate, inspiring people who chose to take the risk of starting their own company - people who took action for what they stood for.

Support is key in helping people thrive. How often do we ask, “what support do you need?” before giving help or advice? This simple question empowers people to think for themselves, and communicate their needs so that people know how to best support them. One of the questions I like to ask to close off reflective sessions that I host.

I am part of different communities in the social and people/organisation development space because it really energises me. In openjio, that’s how we give back by sharing these events and resources, organising community huddles, coordinating requests and offers so we can best tap on to assets of the community.

Being fun is about being in the moment. Sometimes i just laugh off the mistakes I made, and remember to be kind to myself.

13. What areas in your life might your decisions contradict your most prominent core values?

Humans are walking contradictions. Life is full of paradoxes.

Such contradictions happen more in my family and work spaces, usually because of missing/unsaid requests (i have yet to make..)

14. Which of your most prominent core values are you not giving enough time or attention to?

Hmm. Fun. Hahahaha.

I think fun has got to do with being non-judgmental, or letting go of the fear of looking stupid - so you can immerse yourself fully in the moment to experience life.

Next is learning - i think i can be more structured in the way i learn. I tend to be scattered and distracted by things that pique my interest at the moment. This blog is one way for me to keep me on track on my more important goals and thoughts, so that i can focus and deepen my interests and expertise in people and organisational development.

15. What lies do you tell other people about what’s important to you and what you are passionate about? (in what ways do your actions not align up with your words?) Before you can lie to another, you must first lie to yourself.

Wa, this is a tough one.

People talk about fear of failure. But i think it’s the fear of success perhaps, I still have fears in my head of jumping into a training, facilitation, people and organisation development as a career. I define success as living in high congruence with your values and offering your greatest gifts and talents to the world. I say I want to jump in to that, but do i really? What’s stopping me?

I want to improve my relationship with my family, and yet I don’t actively do it as I struggle with the resistance (and i’m great at distracting myself with external projects). I tell myself it’s okay to take things slow. But sometimes, tooooo slow.

Beliefs & Disbeliefs

16. What is preventing you from fully committing to pursuing your main passions in life?

Wow, this is what I just asked myself in the previous question. What’s stopping me: 1) material needs: i need income to support myself, since my family cannot support me; 2) growth: I think that I can still find or create areas of growth in my current job which will benefit my future goals in OD; 3) beliefs: i am not experienced enough to do OD; i am not good enough

17. What beliefs do you have about your ability/inability to succeed in pursuing your main passions in life?

I do believe if i put in the hard work and focus, i will be able to succeed. Though there may be some occasional “i am not good enoughs”, but i have confidence that I will be able to find my place :)

18. What beliefs or fears have held you back from pursuing your main passions until now?

Sometimes i am unsure if that’s the destination i want to end up in, and the consequence is that i am less focused and easily distracted. Because i don’t want to fully commit in it for fear if things don’t work out.

Funnily enough, i think that’s the exact thing holding me back.

19. What evidence do you have that those fears or beliefs are accurate? Can you find evidence to prove the opposite is equally true?

“I am not good enough” is just a voice, a thought in my head. It is not true. It can just sound really loud sometimes so it makes people believe in it.

We are not our thoughts, and this is a timely question - are my thoughts controlling me or am i controlling my thoughts? “Do you have your mind, or does your mind have you?”

If I look (hard enough), I would be able to find evidence that I matter in this world. And I am good enough, I had this conversation with a pretty advanced facilitator, she noticed that I tend to attribute (openjio’s) success thus far to external circumstances, because of my team, because of people who are already interested in these issues, because of everything else other than myself.

It’s true that we can succeed because we did it together guys, (just that sometimes i forget i made it happen too hahaha lol.)

She asked me, why do you think some social movements/initiatives are more successful than others? Look at the many initiatives out there involving migrant workers — why do some stand out/gain more traction than others? She stated a few examples, like Cai Yinzhou….i stun for a moment. I was thinking of 1001 things, the mechanics.

Then she said, it’s because of the people who drive them.

Because of who they are, their being.

Then I couldn’t stop tearing ><

Obstacles, Fears & Stakes

20. How much risk and uncertainty are you willing to accept around seeking and finding your passion? When you tell yourself you "can't do something," be sure you are not confusing it with you "won't do something". There is no shame in realising and admitting you don't want something bad enough for you to go get it. At least now you can acknowledge, accept the truth and move on to something you really want.

The risks I am willing to take should fall within these boundaries:

  • That I would still be able to generate sustainable income stream(s) to support myself, and ideally my sister’s medical expenses. Having no/low income right now is not an option - i experienced interning at a startup after graduation, financial stresses are real, and my family was really worried about it too.

  • I am very open to working overseas and experiencing different cultures - only if my sister is doing well, and my parents are fine.

  • I am willing to work very hard, to burn my spare time i have after work and during weekends on what I stand for. I’m already doing it much so with my time at openjio.

21. What comes first before finding your main passion in life? E.g. your income, job, lifestyle, home, fear of what others will think

I think sometimes it need not be a “either or” situation, as life is full of greys. But if it were black and white…

  • Financial stability - i am willing to sacrifice my lifestyle, like eat/dabao from home, working around it with my friends to dine at less expensive places - this is easier with circuit breaker measures

  • Health of my family should be stable too, that everyone can take care of themselves, and i would just need to occasionally check-in

22. What is the primary concern you have about fully committing to pursuing your main passion in life?

Sometimes i think i may paint idealistic expectations about what I can get out of pursuing this passion in life…anyway, primary concern is still financials. Money can’t solve all your problems, but it can at least solve 90% of it so you can focus on the 10%.

23. Would the potential benefits outweigh the importance of this primary concern you have?

Well, the goal would be to be able to do what I would do anyway and earn a sustainable source of income from it. Such as coaching, people development, facilitating.

24. What actions could you take to reduce or manage this concern?

Start small, notice how i show up, say ‘yes’ opportunities that align to my goals. Be creative about my income streams.

25. Other than yourself, who else is holding you back from pursuing your passion in life and how are they holding you back? If you don’t love yourself who will? How can you address this person/these people to either gain their support or get them out of your way?

Yea, will need to assure my family that I can take care of myself, since I see them everyday. Unless i work overseas baha. They were not very supportive of my first internship stint, and kept asking me to leave the internship job because they see no future in it. Sigh. It felt like one of the lowest moments in my life because I also struggled to support myself financially and i didn’t know where this could all be heading, except that I knew that wanted to experience working in a social startup and solving real pressing issues, where my presence would make a bigger difference.

So I can foresee all that happening again. The question i ask myself here is, ‘How can i show up differently’, ‘Who do i need to be?’ So that my parents can be assured.

26. What would you do with your life if you no longer cared about what other people think about you? The more you care about what others think, the more they own you. It's not other people's job to like you. That's YOUR job.

In my wildest dreams, I dream of helping people in low-income communities in Singapore and beyond. To grow financially, tap on their inner resources, and connect them to people/resources who can support them to thrive in their journey on earth. I would like to stay in the mountains for awhile, perhaps move amongst such communities and share the collective wisdom i have received. I will be doing yoga every morning in nature, and go around the forest and farms to collect my food. Play in the river. Hike. And use the internet to channel the right resources to the right places. Will be fun to have a few friends join every now and then. :)

(Financial literacy is so underrated! I neglect it as well. Would be good to really look deeper into this. )

In another - still pretty wild dream if i decide to stay in the city - i dream that I would be a coach/consultant that can help organisations heal, and achieve breakthroughs. (Or i will start an organisation which does that!) By working with their leaders and staffs to genuinely connect with one another, workplaces can become healing spaces for everyone! Spaces where people are free to express themselves. Where your talents and side-hustles are embraced, celebrated, and your job is tailored to your strengths and interests, people co-create structures which serve them best - in contrast to fitting people into their job descriptions and being bounded by numerous rules.

27. What would the potential worst outcome be if you decided to commit fully to pursuing your passion? Would this be OK? Go to your worst case scenario now, feel it, and soak in it as if it's really happening, play it out, and ask yourself, if that is ok?

If my family members get really sick, I won’t be able to have the peace of mind to do this :( Would need to find ways to improve the situation. If my sister is independent i’ll feel more at ease too haha.

Other than that, i may get robbed while travelling, and may get some leeches on me? living with many insects, struggle with language barriers. May feel a bit disconnecting like i don’t have a home, like I’m like a nomad. May get occasional thoughts questioning myself. Sounds quite scary ><

I guess if the dream is important enough to me, these things wouldn’t matter.

28. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being 100% certain) what is the likelihood of this worst outcome happening if you fully commit to your passion and invest all of the energy and focus that you have into it?

Well. The worst has yet to happen. And i hope it never will!

I believe if i fully commit to it and invest all the energy and focus i have, dreams can become a reality.

29. How rewarding would your life be if you were doing something that you loved every day and were making money with it? Happiness is a state where nothing is missing.

That would be amazing!! Yes, it does feel like my life will be complete.

But here i also want to remind myself that it’s not just about doing, but being too - being kind, loving to self, choosing joy.

The problem happens when we have multiple desires. When we have fuzzy desires. When we want to do ten different things and we are not clear about which is the one we care about.

Possibilities

30. What hobbies/ interests do you have that intrigue you and that you might consider pursuing as a life passion? What unique talents or skills do you have that you haven’t fully developed or expressed? What childhood interests or dreams did you have that you never got around to doing anything about?

  • Singing, dancing - it’s something i do less after starting openjio; it brings me reinvigorating energy in a very different way; i was in choir in secondary school and it really allows me to express myself in a manner that feels freeing (don’ think i would ever stop singing, but it’s something i realised i have put aside for the time being)

  • Drawing - i drew comic books when i was younger, like caption underpants!

  • Photography - i feel happy when i’m able to capture precious moments and shots that capture people’s attention haha

I just noticed that these all fall under the more artistic/creative domain of things…looks like i have been suppressing this side of me :/ Is this what adulting is? That’s so sad. I want to do more of these artsy stuff, it’s like it’s what makes us human, you know.

31. Are you willing to spend time mastering these interests so you can become an expert, or to teach others?

Yes! I think it’s a huge joy and blessing to be able to share your passions with others! As the saying goes, joy multiplies when shared.

32. What changes do you need to make (or what risks do you need to take) to develop and express your unique talents and skills?

I guess it’s time to take up dance classes again! and give myself this artistic space to express myself. I think movement is also an important way in which we feel and notice ourselves. Being glued to your laptop at work - how is that different from a robot right?

Somatics/body movement is definitely something i want to venture deeper into. Like inner dance, and if i were to stretch myself - even theatre? *notices inner resistance*

(Edit: A change i’ve made recently - exercising almost daily! I do minimally 5 mins morning stretches. On days that i work from home, I aim to do 30mins of workouts or stretching. Have been doing Lilly Sabri’s 30 day challenge with a friend!)

33. Is there a group of people somewhere in the world that you know could benefit from your help? Who are they and where are they? Hint: These are the very people you can serve.

The first group would be people I am already interacting with - my friends and family. It would be great if i can incorporate art to create immersive, engaging experiences to bring likeminded people together; to able to connect with the pain and emotions that others face - so perhaps we can reduce the collective suffering we all have.

34. What valuable lessons have you learned throughout life so far that other people might benefit from also learning? Also, could you start teaching other people those lessons today?

  • You can start wherever you are. It’s never too late. It will be too late however, if you keep pushing it back.

  • Understanding self, mindfulness, spirituality has been a transformational journey for me

  • Haven’t really thought about teaching these topics - but i guess this blog is one way for me to share and consolidate my knowledge and experiences, which I may use as teaching material one day, if i do teach. It all adds up right haha

Money & Resources

35. If you were financially secure and money is not an issue, how would you invest your time? If you have all the money you ever need (your brain may resist this fantasy scenario right now, but ignore that brain fart, and let your imagination go to the space where you have financial abundance), what would you be happy to do for the rest of your life?

  • Travel to experience different cultures, the world and beyond! Every 2-3 months or so. And i will blog/create vlog to share my experiences!

  • Probably work for a social impact consultancy on fostering Public-People-Private partnerships; or a leadership/OD consultancy

  • Pay for a skilled and experienced financial consultant to help me generate more income, and to become more financial literate so i can help others with this knowledge too

  • Go for at least 2-3 few courses a year to upgrade my skills in coaching/facilitation (newfield!)

  • I’d probably spend more time volunteering haha, working on how to develop openjio and translate my learnings from work, travel and people i’ve met to work on reducing suffering in the world. Travelling also allows me to connect with the pain and joy of others,

36. Do you have enough savings to allow you to live for six months during a job transition or while you commit to pursuing your passion? It varies from person to person, but generally, it takes no less than 1-2 years to build a business from scratch, stabilise it, and start making decent money.

Not yet. I have yet to actually calculate the amount of money i need, there is some fear to really do it as much as i say i want to do it LOL

I am not sure how my passion is going to generate money at the moment, i think i would need more time (2 years) to build depth and expertise in the interests i have mentioned…

37. How could you save enough money to allow you to live for six months during a job transition or while you commit to your passion? Rather than working harder for more money, is there a way you can get money working harder for you?

Invest or buy some savings policy?? (Need support for this)

(Edit: This is happening. I made my first investment! My financial advisor has successfully convinced me of the benefits of starting early.)

38. Are there cutbacks you can make while you commit to pursuing your passion and purpose? Separate non-negotiable expenses from discretionary "good-to-have" expenses. People who live far below their means enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles can’t fathom.

  • Cutting back on spending on food, which is my biggest spending

  • Cutting back on entertainment expenses, think creatively how might we connect and build friendships without spending much money?

  • Cutting back on time spent on social media - be more conscious of this

  • Learning how to say “no’’!!

Imagine

39. How much more would other people benefit from your life if you committed the rest of your life towards just being who you are (and not trying to be someone that you are not)?

I think as I have grown to be more of myself, i notice that i show up as a more confident person, thinking less of what others think of me. It feels freeing, it also attracts likeminded people, where we thrive on each other’s energy. I think it enables me to build deeper relationships with people, creating impactful experiences that otherwise wouldn’t happen.

40. If you had the chance to start your life all over again from scratch, what would you do differently next time around?

  • Don’t care too much about what other people say, if i’m too young or too inexperienced, or if it doesn’t suit me. Just do what my heart feels right.

  • Lean in to fear/resistance, sit with it, and understand what it’s trying to tell me instead of avoiding it.

  • Pick up dancing earlier, it enables this freedom of expression which is really uplifting.

  • Be kinder to myself. I spent so much energy beating myself up.

  • Travel more.

  • Be more direct with people about issues we are facing.

  • Study less, do more.

41. Imagine you could take out an advertisement on a HUGE billboard display at the centre of New York Times Square to display one message of your choice. What would your message to the world be? E.g: Dan's would be "EVERYBODY CAN BE WHOEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT TO BE."

DON’T FORGET YOUR DREAMS. YOU MATTER.

42. If you only had one year left to live, what would you spend this year doing and what difference would you want to make? What's stopping you from doing these things now?

  • Travel with friends/family,

  • more HTHTs - having real deep conversations

  • tell people around me how much I really appreciate them

  • sing,

  • dance,

  • write,

Maybe we should strive to think this way huh, else we end up living a life we don’t want to live.

What’s stopping me:

  • my ego

  • my fears

Thank you for reading till the bottom of this blogpost - would love to hear your thoughts too! You can reach out to me here :)

Amelia Lim
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