We make a life by what we give.

This blogpost was first posted here on 31 May 2020. I am migrating some posts to this new site.

Yesterday I had a conversation with this lady I met from one of The Thought Collective’s events. She was in her forties – but she looked way younger haha. I was inspired by her joyful being. She held space for me, but also called me out in a soft, supportive manner. She had sharp distinctions, i was curious about when she began this self-work. I kinda want to be like her when I grow up. hahaha.

What stood out for me was that she left her teaching job of 14 years – she always wanted to be a teacher when she was young. She said it was because she found something more meaningful, something that could create more lasting impact in the lives of others. What could be more meaningful for you to leave your decade long teaching job? It got me so curious about what she is doing.

But more so, her reply to my question made me reflect about where I am right now and where I want to be. It’s why I titled this reflection: we make a life by what we give. Am I learning? Is this a space I can contribute? I am still finding my space.

She really enjoyed teaching, but being a civil servant for 14 years, she also had grievances about the system. It was her health which took a toll, where she eventually had to leave her job as her immune system had issues, resulting in multiple health problems. She is currently working as a distributor for a Japanese healthcare product she strongly believes in.

Jumping into business after 14 years teaching took alot of unlearning, self-work, and trust! It was the stories of success she shared that kept her going, where her clients were truly thankful to her for making their lives better. It’s really the small things. She shared how one man had kidney issues and had to go for dialysis, and he couldn’t drink much water as he could not pee. Not being able to drink water was painful. Small things we take for granted. Eventually he slowly recovered his kidney functions, and he was so happy he could pee! It meant he could drink water!

It was stories like this that keep her going. And it is so important to remember such stories in our lives as well. Sometimes we forget the shared success stories we have, and we focus on the negatives.

She says she is still teaching, but now she teaches a wider range of people, in different modes, and she thinks that this truly creates a lasting impact in people’s lives. That was why she chose to do this. She had met many students who did not perform because their family had health issues — so in a way, she is still helping students indirectly, in a different part of the system.

We chatted about family dynamics too. Sometimes I get frustrated at my parents for being so ‘stuck’ in a certain way of thinking and doing, and i feel like my voice falls on deaf ears. Then I stopped trying after a while. I was out and about most of the time, but now that I am at home, I noticed my own resistance. “What is in it for me to resist?” That question caught me by surprise. I did not have an answer. But now I think it’s my ego.

“What are the realities they have experienced that I am not seeing?” Of course it’s hard to shift when they have been they way they are for years. I know this yet I am still stubborn sometimes.

“Love is a verb,” she said.

When we begin to understand that, we can see how our actions create hurt or love in our families. And the power of intention in the choices we make.

“Communication is an ongoing process. Humans need constant reminders. That’s why marketing exists. Imagine a plasticine being thrown – the listener only catches the messages what he/she gets, the plasticine lands a little different for each person, with their own marks.”

If there’s one thing – be curious about their narrative. She also shared that her work now consists of shifting paradigms – the way people see things, sharing how this product works – she does this by throwing out enough ‘dots’ hoping that people can draw the connections.

This made me think about my life and the work i have been doing at openjio too. In a way, i am hoping these events we share are like multiple dots we create and spread – we don’t know how exactly it will land on people. But we hope to leave a mark – a meaningful one which changes the way they see things. Connections are drawn in the eyes of the beholder (that’s how dramas work).

The advice she would give to her 20-year old self. “To be open – i was very fixed in the way I see and do things. It’s about seeing possibilities – that’s what youth is about – to explore, and only then I realise there’s so much I don’t know about.“

The hardest thing, was being willing to unlearn what she had learned. Over the past 14 years, teaching was the only thing she did, and she was really good at it. And she thought she was going to do it for a lifetime because she knew just that.

There was the struggle between her head and her heart. The head told her she can’t do it, but her heart wants to do it, and she saw a greater purpose in it. 9 years into this career, she never looked back since. I saw courage, purpose and strength – and it was not the absence of fear and pain. It was just beautiful :’)